


When you feel my heat

by Anonymous



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Panic Attack, kind of, no beta we die like men, not a full blown one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 08:10:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20945126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: He tried to ignore the growing panic, to focus on the pleasure of his insanely attractive boyfriend worshipping his body. But all Magnus could feel was his hands pinned. And he trusted Alec, he did, but the fear was irrational, the panic uncontrollable. He couldn't breathe





	When you feel my heat

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what I'm doing with this one, if it's realistic or correct at all. 
> 
> WARNINGS for panic attack because of a sexual situation, but no non con, as well as internal conflict because of that
> 
> Title from Demons by Imagine Dragons because how I name my fics is lyrics from the song I happen to be listening to at the time

The bed sheets were cool against Magnus’ back. Cool but not cold, not with the two hundred pounds of muscle and heat covering his body. But not in the right places.

“Alexander,” escaped his lips in a low moan. His beautiful, evil boyfriend just smirked at him before going back to running his tongue over Magnus' nipples. Then proceeded to make his way down Magnus' chest. But slowly. Too slowly.

Both were bare chested, but the pants remained sadly on.

Magnus gripped Alec's hair, twisting and pulling. The Shadowhunter growled in annoyance but continued to kiss his abs.

“Alexander, please. We both have too many clothes on. And as good as that feels, your mouth is far too high up right now.”

Alec stopped to look up at his, pupils blown wide, eyes dark. “If you can still talk in full sentences, I'm doing something wrong.”

“What's wrong is we both have pants on.”

Alec let out a  _ hmm  _ pulling back a bit and ducking his head, tongue touching just above the waistband of Magnus' pants. So close, yet so far from where he wanted it to be.

Instead of down, Alec dragged his tongue up, up over his chest all the way to his neck. Then went right back to ravishing his chest. And playing with the silver chains around Magnus’ neck.

Magnus slipped his hands from Alec's hair to his shoulders, pushing in an attempt to urge Alec down to where he was hard and aching and in need of touch.

But Alec was, physically, much stronger than Magnus. The Shadowhunter, without lifting his lips, grabbed Magnus’ hands and pinned them above his head.

Magnus struggled a bit, but Alec's hands held firm. He'd moved on to the warlock's stomach area, that belly chain he'd worn specifically to drive Alec crazy. 

He tried to ignore the growing panic, to focus on the pleasure of his insanely attractive boyfriend worshipping his body. But all Magnus could feel was his hands pinned. And he trusted Alec, he did, but the fear was irrational, the panic uncontrollable. He couldn't breathe.

“Alec,” he whispered. Nothing. Louder, “Alec, please stop.”

And he did. The urgent, panicked tone seemed to spook him, like a wild animal. Alec pulled back. Way back until the cold bit at Magnus’ bare chest and they were on opposite sides of the massive bed. Magnus curled in on himself, hands pulled tight to his chest, all heat and pleasure forgotten, trying to get air into his lungs.

For several seconds neither spoke. Finally, when he felt calm and grounded again, Magnus looked up into Alec's worried eyes. In their reflection, he saw his own cat eyes. He'd dropped the glamor when the shirts had come off, knowing Alec loved them, and loving that he did.

“Are you alright?” he whispered, voice slightly scratchy.

“Am  _ I  _ alright? Magnus, you just. And I. What did I just do?” Alec's entire body screamed panic and guilt.

“Shhh, Alexander.” The warlock reached out but he just retreated farther.

“I'm alright now, it's not your fault.”

Alec shook his head. “How could that  _ not  _ be my fault. I  _ hurt  _ you.”

“You didn't mean to, and you stopped as soon as I expressed feelings of discomfort. That's what matters. No one is at fault here, alright?”

Alec nods but doesn't look convinced. 

“Okay, clearly we need to talk about this, but first you shower and I'll find us some pajamas, then we'll talk on the couch.” A nice, neutral zone that they were both familiar with.

Alec nodded and practically fled to the bathroom. Magnus sighed, making his way over to his vanity where he took off his makeup and hung up all his jewelry. Including the belly chain Alec loved. However this talk went, they definitely weren't going to need that tonight.

He changed into fluffy pants and one of Alec's soft black t-shirts, then grabbed some stuff for his boyfriend, using magic to send it into the locked bathroom. (The lock had hurt, not because Alec didn't want him to follow, but because Alec clearly blamed himself for Magnus’ small freak out)

After changing he passed into the kitchen and made hot chocolate, a change from his normal comfort drink of liqueur.

Shortly thereafter Alec emerged from the bathroom, hair dripping water because he never dried it properly. Magnus offered him a mug, and the Shadowhunter took it, sitting down at the other end of the couch, back against the armrest like Magnus so they could look at each other.

They sit there for a moment, sipping their hot chocolate, the room silent but for the noise of the city below. Magnus took a deep breath and began.

“When we agreed to take the next step, we talked about what we liked, what we wanted to do.To each other, to make both of us feel good” Alec nodded, still silent.

“What we should have also done, was talk about what we don't like. Normally, when I enter a relationship I intend to be long term, I do have that talk. Part of that is, I don't like having my hands restrained. In any way. It's just…”

How to describe it?

“I'm sorry.” Alec's voice was empty, hollow. “Magnus, I'm so sorry.”

“Alexander. You didn't know,  _ couldn't _ have known. I never mentioned it. I should have, and that's on me.”

“But I  _ hurt _ you.” His angel's hazel eyes were dark with grief. “When you said stop, you sounded so hurt. In so much pain. And I caused that, I hurt you. And I can't get it out of my head.”

Magnus set his mug on the table and crosses the couch to lay a hand on Alec's cheek.

“Darling, it's alright. I'm fine now. And going forward, you know that and it won't happen again. Simple as that, my love.”

Alec nodded, guilt still swirling in his eyes. 

“Now, let's do what we should have done in the beginning. Talk. You know about the restricted hands, and I don't really have any other triggers. I know some people do like that, but it just panics me, not having control of them and through them, my magic.”

Alec blew a breath out, contemplating. “I don't really know mine, if I have any. You were my first, uh, as you know very well.” He turned red.

(He was still slightly insecure about that, despite Magnus frequently pointing out that his inexperience didn't make any difference to him)

(It actually did, but not in the way Alec thought. Magnus just wanted to make all of Alec's firsts special. Most of his own hadn't been.)

  
  


“And I don't like spiders, as you very well know.”

Magnus laughed out loud at the memory, defusing some of the tension as they both recalled that fateful shower.

They'd been making out against the shower wall under a spray of water when Alec had happened to glance up and see a spider on the ceiling. The fearsome Shadowhunter had screamed like a banshee, and jerked backwards in an attempt to get away from the small, harmless beast.

That was all well and good except for the fact that A) the floor had been wet and B) his legs had been tangled with Magnus’. The pair had toppled to the ground, hitting their heads on the massive shower door on the way down.

Luckily, nothing had been damaged that a little magic couldn't fix, except maybe Alec's pride. And Magnus’ plans for more shared shower's, as Alec had refused to enter the bathroom for two weeks even after the offending arachnid was captured and put down by the warlock.

“That was hilarious.”

“It was terrifying,” Alec objected, smiling and laughing as well.

“If you insist, oh brave angel blessed warrior. “ Magnus chuckled, “since our plans for the evening have been foiled by lack of communication and no fault of yours, what do you say I make some popcorn and we watch a movie.”

“Deal. Just not Up again please. It's way too sad.”

“Mulan it is then!”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I still feel weird about this, but I was trying to be honest to how I believe the characters would react in a situation like this. sorry if it sucks


End file.
